Helped, heard or held?

Helping
“I would be careful not to provide too much advice,” cautions Elretha, however, if you have experienced a similar difficulty, you could communicate what helped you. Often though, what someone really needs is practical help with the tasks they may not be able to manage in that moment.
Offer to pick up their children from school, go on a grocery run, temporarily cover some of their workload or send emails to excuse them from upcoming meetings that day.

Hearing
“The most important role that you can play when someone is upset is to provide the space for them to speak about their feelings,” explains Elretha. Key to providing this space is listening with empathy, ensuring they feel seen and validated. “Having a space where you can connect to your feelings and express them in a healthy way can go a long way in building emotional resilience,” adds Elretha.

This requires active listening, that is, listening without judgement and with your full attention, making eye contact, asking questions but not interrupting.

Holding
“Physical comfort can allow people to feel emotionally safe,” remarks Elretha. “This is especially important when people are not yet ready to speak about what’s going on with them. If they are comfortable, hugs are a great way to hold someone in distress. But you could also make them a cup of tea, find a warm blanket or just sit with them.

The next time that you encounter someone who is having a difficult day, ask them which of these three things will provide them the comfort they need. By respecting the needs of others, you will be better equipped to be a good support.

FacebookLinkedInWhatsApp